I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
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btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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