Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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