I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
