Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
