So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
