I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
