Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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