I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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