Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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