Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
