So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
