ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
