She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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