it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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