It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
