Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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