I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
