More tranny stories later!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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