he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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