I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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