Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
