She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
