She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
