I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
