Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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