they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
