I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
