I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
