We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
