So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
