i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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