its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
