so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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