I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
