gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
