last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
