Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
