I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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