Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
