u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
