I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
