you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
