I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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