I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
