when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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