no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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