I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
