I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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