I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
