Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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