Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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