I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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