Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
