I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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