just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
