I just pynch a tree in the face
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
